“Tis better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.” These words of Alfred Lord Tennyson have taken on a whole new meaning to me now that I am left with only six weeks left until I leave Brisbane and seven until I return to the States. Tonight I am feeling so keenly the heartbreak that I know is inevitably coming my way. I keep wondering to myself how I can possibly live contentedly back at home after having lived the life I have these past few weeks — and I’m stumped. I honestly don’t know how I’m going to do it.
I am so glad to have done this program. I’ve met so many people that I love and have gotten to experience so much. But at the same time, I’m kind of mad at myself. I’ve let so many people into my heart, and I’m going to have to say goodbye soon. I’m already trying to steel myself for the leaving, but I also don’t want to waste a single moment that I could be spending with one of my friends here. Life is too short, and time is too precious.
So I’m stuck with the heartbreak, I guess. I have never identified with Tennyson more in my life. “Tis better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.” I am so blessed for the relationships that I’ve formed during my time here, and I wish I had the opportunity to grow them even more. I will admit, it makes me a bit sad to think that when I leave I might just become a distant memory to people as well. Like, “oh yeah, remember that one American girl who was here for a little bit? What was her name again?” I will leave, people will continue on with their regular lives, and I’ll be long forgotten about. The next American girl will come to replace me, and I will become just become one in a list of many. I don’t want to be a distant memory. What a depressing thought.
Study abroad, they said. It’ll be fun, they said. But they didn’t tell you that when you finish, your heart will officially be living in two separate continents on the opposite sides of the world. Prayers are appreciated friends, because this is going to be a tough one.
Just some late night thoughts.