For me, something I have been wrestling with a lot recently has been discerning God’s plan and knowing where he is leading me. Since returning from Australia, I have been praying about it a lot and asking God what He wants me to pursue after graduation. I have never felt more uncertain or more like I’m plunging into the unknown.
God always reminds me of His faithfulness, though. Even in the midst of my doubt and my panic over the future, He wraps me in His comfort and gives me little assurances. One such assurance came in the form of my sweet friend Kelly just the other day. We were just chatting about life and about what our “plans” are, as I haven’t talked to her much recently, and I shared about my struggle of not knowing. She paused and looked at me, saying, “I don’t usually do this. I actually never do this. But I just received a picture for you.” She went on to say that she had just received a picture of God leading me by the hand along the backdrop of the landscape that I saw while in Australia.
To give you some additional background, Kelly is someone who I think is an awesome person, but not someone who I’ve had the chance to hang out with much over the years. We are more of casual friends who say hello when we see each other out and about. So having this message come from her felt all the more surreal.
Now, I don’t know what this means. I don’t know if that means I am moving back there or simply going for a visit. I don’t know the timing, if it is next year or 50 years from now. I don’t know if it is a metaphor for something else. But there was something about that picture that God gave her that stuck with me — the reassurance that even though He isn’t overtly leading me by the hand in my life, He is still there and directing my steps regardless. When I feel hopeless or discouraged in the not knowing, He lifts me up to remind me that He hasn’t forgotten about me. He isn’t finished yet.
I remember in Australia one day after chapel was over I watched one of my American friends have an Aussie approach her and share with her a vision that she had received about her. And I remember thinking, “Wow. I wish that God would reveal something about me to someone.” It would be so cool to be spoken to so directly by Him!! Why can’t I receive such simplistic message??
It’s cool to see that come full circle. It’s cool to see that God meets us where we are at through unexpected people. I still am just as clueless about the future today as I was yesterday, but the difference is in the blessed assurance of the Savior. I have found my rest in that, and I don’t feel anxiety about the future, whatever it may be. There is so much in the here-and-now to focus on first, anyway. I will only be in this season for a little longer yet, and I hope to appreciate it enough to deserve it.
Still figuring things out, but never alone.